Reflections on Two Years Without God

Today is the second anniversary of my apostasy from the Catholic Church. As detailed below, I had experienced almost four months of an emotionally tumultuous deconversion by 3 October 2004. It was on that day that I attended Mass for the last time, that I found and extensively read an excellent website by a Catholic apostate which addressed my concerns quite directly, and that I decided to completely reject the Catholic faith. I have only been inside any church twice since that day: once in November 2004 to attend the baptism of one of my nieces and once in June 2005 to accompany my girlfriend who wanted to see the inside of the admittedly beautiful church where I used to be a parishioner. I have not prayed, I have not read scripture, I have not meditated, I have not repented and I have not returned to the Church at all. I have shown that I don't need any belief in the supernatural to lead a happy life.

The anniversary of another very important day occurs on either 5 June or 12 June. That was the day when I shared an enlightening conversation with a good friend, who had apostatized in the preceding years, which encouraged me to begin my investigation into the claims of Catholicism and actively pursue the doubt which had lain dormant in my mind for several years. The date is uncertain because I didn't make any written note of the conversation at the time. The earliest record documenting my religious difficulties during this time period is found on 18 June and I clearly remember the conversation taking place on a Saturday afternoon in the parking lot of a restaurant in another city during that month.

The past two years have been, without the slightest doubt, the best of my adult life. Sincere belief in the Catholic faith colored my entire existence for six years and made me miserable, full of fear, anxiety, and even loneliness. I have recounted the details in my first entry in this blog and I will not repeat them here, and I will only say that the removal of that dark, threatening cloud of doom hanging over my head alone rendered my life almost infinitely happier. Indeed, atheism itself does little to advance human happiness except by its service of demolishing the false hopes and fears of religion. Nevertheless, I celebrate my atheism for liberating me from the chains of religion and granting me the freedom to truly live in the light of reason.